I felt ignored as a kid. (Wether it was true or not, that's how I felt and that's what matters.)
So I played with and in my imagination. Here I could create and control my (non) reality.

​I discovered 2 forms of inspiration.
Ground Zero - where you brought a new concept into being from the Ether and manifested it.
Bounce-where you take an existing thing, person, concept and create from there.

You would think the first to be the most brave. But that's not necessarily so. Working with existing things is more improvisational.
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​I moved to the latter coz I got bored with knowing what ever I imagined I could pretty much manifest. When I allowed in improvisation -working with situations that presented itself and seeing if I could create from there- things got a lot more exciting.

When you are goalie and you catch every ball it becomes dull. We need a challenge - it's the thrill of an unknown outcome that keeps us alive.

Reading the end of the book first spoils the adventure of an unfolding story.

It was this mantra that my niece and I lived by during the 4 day wedding celebrations for my cousin and his Ecuadorian bride. This got us into all sorts of situations we wouldn't have normally experienced.
And even if we do reincarnate - it would never be a repeat so make this one count!

I've been having a bought of wistful nostalgia. Revisiting those abandoned moments that might have been if I chose differently along the way.
F.O.M.O makes one hoard redundant scenarios.
One cure for this is to believe in parallel universes. You can rest assured that one version of you will be experiencing  the thing you chose not to in this reality. This version of you is experiencing exactly what she wanted to at this particular time.
You are exactly in the right place at the right time. (Phew!)

In the state of wild abandon, I realize all those rejected aspects of myself do not go away but roam the ether, untamed & unaccounted for.
Taking no responsibility for these unwanted parts just means they appear as projections reflected onto other people.
A great way to own them is to look at something that REALLY bugs you about someone and then look deep inside to see if it's something about yourself you are not owning.
Like when you see colors - the color you see is in fact the one not absorbed  but reflected back at you.

Due to my friend Megan Mc Feely writing the press release for my art show in Mill Valley I have been able to see my art exploration reflected back to me. How I have always been fascinated by what society chooses to reject & leave behind.

I'm looking at what the process of abandonment means to me.
How in one moment an item I once coveted and cherished can become repellent. once it's damaged or broken.

All that love turns to hatred - it no longer is of use to me and I want it as far away from me as possible to avoid any further reminder of the perfection that is now lost.

It feels like an analogy to my human condition - to reject those parts of myself that are damaged or broken. Allowing them to pile up unaccounted for as junk in my soul.

Perhaps if I could love them just the way they are - with no judgement of being perfect or not - they could heal and mend over time becoming whole once more.